Ohhh deep yo. The sweet-sweet sensation of a heart being torn into shreds. Nothing compares. You’re not a member of the human race until you’ve experienced this ecstasy. Lately, I’ve noticed this epidemic amongst our fellow freaks. We seem to be at war with love.

But before I go any further know this — I LOVE love. I love the way she looks at me. I love the way she stays with me through the night. I love the way I get lost in her eyes. I love LOVE. So it brings me great sorrow to say for our breed of storytellers making love last shall be one of the greatest achievements of your life.

You will end up with either one of two people: Option A) A fellow artist. A dreamer. The paint brush to your canvass. Orrrrr B) A normal 9 to 5 real world person.

And guess what? The rules for both these people are the same. But as long as your main squeeze is willing to put in the effort it’ll work out right…riiiiiiight??? Lets just pretend there was Viagra advice you could pop to help stack the advantage in your corner.

Consider this for funzzzzzies:

1. Have direction.

Gotta have it. You can be a screenwriter 24/7 and honestly your gal or guy will find it cute. They’ll brag about it to their friends and family. “He’s different. Mysterious. Like no one I’ve ever met before.” And you are! You’re Hollywood! I dig it.

But gang, that wears off FAST and when it does your ass better have a clear legitimate plan your partner can understand. Crystal clear. I can’t stress that enough.

A wise fortune cookie from China Star Express (holler) once read, “Don’t wait for tomorrow on something you can do today.” Start today by creating that plan of attack. This industry is a bitch and will destroy you and leave nothing behind. Don’t think it’s all gonna work out. Show your partner you’ve really thought this through. I suggest a 5 year plan.

2. Be a safe bet.

Okay, so you gotta plan but not enough dough to go see Iron Man 5. It hurts. I know. I’m no stranger to the dollar theatre. But here’s reality, it’s gonna be awhile before you sell your script. It could be years.

Do you really expect your chick to be cool staying in every Friday night because you’re broke? It gets old guys. Money shouldn’t matter, but be real home-skillet, it does and anyone who says otherwise is either lying out of their bum-hole or doesn’t know what it’s like to be poor.

So what do you do? Get a normal job. Whatever it may be. You can write at night, on your breaks, when the boss isn’t looking. But get a job. Trust me, not only will it keep your partner happy but the circle around you, the ones who raise an eyebrow at ya, yeah those lovely people will back off as you follow your dreams.

Be a safe bet – something your partners’ fourth cousin on their dad side can bet on.

3. Don’t forget when you’re dreaming to include her.

This may be obvious but my-my how one often forgets the things that matter most. You’re a dreamer. A born storyteller. An entertainer. She’s gonna notice when you start talking about the future and mingling with the “in” crowd and she’s not by your side. Awkward.

THE SILVER BULLET CLAUSE: Not to be a downer, but I’m gonna be a downer.

Most relationships fail. It is their destiny. It sucks but that’s the truth. We don’t want them too, but the fact of the matter is, “It’s not me, it’s you boo.”

Sometimes you feel the storm coming, other times the bus runs you over before you even step off the sidewalk. All you can do is give it your everything.

That’s what you do when you’re in love.

You can’t walk away because you don’t have legs to stand on without her. You know that none of this means diddly squat if you can’t share it with her. Come on, we both know this is true you big old sap you.

And hey, I’m sorry if she throws it all away. I am. But if she loves you, give her some time, she’ll come banging on your door and fight for you right? Riiiiiiight??? Stop it! That only happens in the movies.

To the dumpee give it your all and if she still rejects you leave knowing that you did everything you could. You deserve love. You owe it to yourself to find love. Here’s the catch, don’t expect a different result with the next one if you’re not willing to change.

To the dumper, chill out yo! You had a great thing and you gave it up because you freaked out. You over thought while not thinking enough. It happens. We know…we know. We’re not strangers to this funny thing called love. The question is do you know and what’s it gonna take before you do something about it? Snap-crack-and-pop-el! Yeah that’s some truth laid all up on for ya 🙂

Rule # 201 Sometimes serendipity ain’t enough.